Should a childfree life be everyone's goal?
More about Rosie:
Rosie Tran is one of the fastest rising young stars in the entertainment business! Originally from New Orleans, Louisiana, she moved to Hollywood to pursue her career as a professional entertainer. The stand up comedian, writer, podcast personality, and actress has toured internationally, at comedy clubs, colleges, and overseas for the USO in Europe and the Middle East.
Rosie has been a featured performer at the Boston International Comedy Festival, the Seattle International Comedy Competition, and Funnyfest in Canada, to name a few. She was a Los Angeles area finalist on season six of the hit NBC series, “Last Comic Standing.” She has studied with the top mentors in the country, from the late Paul Sills, founder of the original Second City in Chicago to Gary Austin, father of the Groundlings School in Los Angeles. She received an M.A. from California State University in Television and Film.
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If you’ve been around here for a while, you’ll know that I’m a big believer in celebrating everyone’s choices, no matter what they are. As long as you’re comfortable with your decision, or comfortable living with the question for a while, I’ll cheer you on.
So when Rosie Tran reached out to me to pitch a discussion about why being childfree should be everyone’s goal, I hesitated. My gut reaction was to be really skeptical and uncertain that this was the right kind of conversation for the show. But my curiosity won out, and look - I’m always up for a conversation that challenges my beliefs. So Rosie came on the show, and we had a fascinating back-and-forth about her belief that being childfree should be the ultimate goal.
So here’s where Rosie and I agree: if you feel so strongly about something that it becomes an obsession or you feel really desperate about it, whether that’s having a kid, being in a relationship, or anything else - that’s a red flag that there’s something deeper going on that you need to pay attention to. And you should probably work on whatever that is before you go after what you think you want so badly.
But: To me, that’s the extreme case. There are plenty of people, especially listeners of this show, who are ambivalent about having kids, or who know that having kids is an experience they want to have - without it feeling desperate about. And I still think, if you have kids, go for it. If you don’t, good for you. I’m still a strong believer that we should celebrate whatever you decide for yourself.
And I don’t agree that self-actualization is the purpose of life, or that self-actualization is impossible when you have kids. That assumes that our lives as individuals are most important, and the only way to be fully ourselves is to focus on ourselves. And I don’t believe that. I believe that the purpose of life is to be connected to others, and that self-actualization is a byproduct of our relationships - if we take the time to examine those relationships.
I also believe that the interactions we have with others, including our interactions with kids, can teach us about how to become better versions of ourselves. I learned throughout my personal experience - that the highest and best version of ourselves emerges when we confront what challenges us - that could be illness, grief, loss, or childrearing.
Maybe you disagree. I’d love to know. So take a listen to my conversation with Rosie - and tell where you land on this debate.
Discussed in episode 39 with Rosie Tran:
The importance of healing your inner child so that you can make an informed decision on having children
How research points to a childfree life being paramount to happiness
Advocating for not projecting your own trauma onto your kids
Self-actualization as the purpose of life
Rosie’s perspective on ambivalence
The impact of a traumatic childhood on the decision of motherhood
Passing down intergenerational trauma on to your children
The importance of devaluing motherhood and being vocal on regretting having children